The Hanks Appeal to the Elderly

There is a small phenomenon that has been coursing its way over the years. It goes unnoticed by all. A silent beast lurking, until just the right moment to strike. A pandemic that sweeps the nation and empties the living room of many a senior citizen.

The release of a new Tom Hanks movie.

(Cue dramatic reveal music) Dun, dun, DUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!

If you think I am crazy, or if you call me a liar, then let me change your mind with a few paragraphs and sentences. If I don't blow your mind, than oh well. Your mind is invulnerable to being blown to smithereens by sheer awesomeness.

Enough of that. I noticed the "Hanks Appeal to the Elderly" when I was but a lowly theater employee back in 1999. A film had just been released to universal acclaim starring non other than Mr. Tom Hanks: The Green Mile. And as I worked during its run at our theater, I noticed an unusual occurrence. That was that an excessive amount of elderly people were in the audience. I noticed this, because of all the demographics, they are the ones who tend to stay sitting the longest in a theater. If you don't believe me, just work at a theater for three years as an usher and you'll understand what I mean.

It never fails, every time we would go to clean a theater, there would invariably be that one person who likes to sit and wait til the last credit rolls. I AM that person (gotta respect the film by staying, unless its a crapper). But senior citizens will stay more than the average film goer. Why? I have no idea, but they do. So when the Green Mile was playing, we would always have to wait til the credits were completely over because there were SOOOOO many elderly, you couldn't work around them as you could normally on other shows.

So after every showing of The Green Mile, we would have to stand in the back of the theater, waiting for everybody to leave so we could clean and move on to the next theater. This may not sound so bad, except for the fact that on a busy weekend, you need to be in and out of those theaters quick, so as not to get too backed up.

At the time, I attributed the large amount of senior citizens to the nature of the movie. But then the next year, the same elderly flocking occurred again, on Cast Away. "Hmmm, that's odd," I'd tell myself. "The last time I saw this phenomenon was on Green Mile. I wonder if it has anything to do with Tom Hanks?" I still wasn't sure at this point what exactly was causing it. It wasn't until summer of '02, when Road to Perdition came out, that I made the case for "The Hanks Appeal to the Elderly."

From then on, every single Tom Hanks movie I go to see, the theater is filled with Senior Citizens. What is it about Tom Hanks that appeals to so many elderly? And then I realize what it is? It's the women dragging the men. I have noticed an unusually disproportionate ratio of women to men. Maybe it's that Tom Hanks is such a good wholesome fella, that every Grandmother wants as a son or a grandson. I have no idea. Why does this phenomenon exist? And furthermore, how much of a loser am I for coming up with such a baffling conspiracy theory?

I can almost attribute it to the types of movies and roles Tom is in. However, Ladykillers still had a large 55+ demographic. But i think most of us were duped by that movie anyway, so we'll call it square. Then there was Road to Perdition in which the good boy Tom Hanks plays a murdering Mobster. So I'm not sure if is entirely his roles that brings in the senior folks. I think the strongest argument I have for the reason why this happens, lies in the film Forrest Gump. I think that this film won over so many hearts of so many people, that people have a strong connection with him.

I don't think the elderly go to the cinema often anymore. Most of today's movies are loud, obnoxious, and raunchy. But when the senior folk do come out, they want it to be a good film. They want to not waste their money. And they know they like Tom Hanks, so consistently you'll find he draws in that demographic more than anybody else.

For a while I felt the "Hanks Appeal" had waned, that is until today, when I saw Angels and Demons. Wouldn't you know it, 90% of that audience was carrying an AARP card, and got in for two dollars cheaper than I. Son of a gun.

So don't be fooled, The "Hanks Appeal to the Elderly" does exist. You are warned. Though i don't know what you'd do about it. It's just an oddity that I've noticed over the years of film going. Still think I'm crazy? Probably right.

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Absurdity of Smoking Laws

In case you didn't know, there has been a movement developing in Hollywood for the past several years. About two years ago, Studios feeling pressure from anti smoking groups, decided to start limiting the amount of characters who smoke in movies. Well there is a group that is calling on the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) to begin instituting a mandatory R rating to any movie that contains smoking.

Is this really a problem?!?!

So basically, the act of smoking is tantamount to saying "F**K!" or seeing bodies blown apart by incoming mortar fire. A character smoking would equal two people having a sex scene. The problem I find in this thinking is that once you make smoking equivalent of these things, what's going to happen to public codes about smoking. Now you can't just go outside the restaurant or theater, but now you have to go in a little dark booth that says: "Adults only." It would be akin to going to a porn store.

Does this not sound ridiculous. Well, leave it to the zany Californians to lead the fight for a smoke free nation. They passed a law several years ago that all public buildings would be smoke free. This means Restaurants, Stores, and other things such as BARS!!! I remember one time on liberty in Sand Diego, me and a few friends from work went to downtown Coronado to a local bar. This was after I had just turned 21, so I was new to the bar scene. Earlier in the evening I had bought a delicious cigar to smoke (smoke em once every 2 years). When I got to the bar I was turned around because I had a cigar. I was flabbergasted. I thought it was and I still think it is the dumbest law.

I hate second hand smoke, but I think people should have the right to put up the laws in their own establishments. If I own a bar, and I want to allow smoking I should be able to. It is absolute bull that this is a law. And If they even so much as start imposing a mandatory R rating on movies with smoking, I will get really peeved.

I get that G rated films shouldn't have smoking. That's fine. I don't think you'll find many Pixar movies with smoking at all (if any). I can understand PG films maybe having a smoking character, but he should be reflected as a villain or some such. The only place that I would find it to be absurd is in a PG-13 film. So what would happen if Optimus Prime gets a little fire on him during a battle, and afterwards he starts smoking?

I guess our President is R-rated too.

Smoking = R-rated = Load of B.S.

Let's try and put the focus on some real issues... like blowing up Kim Jong-il.

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Pushed to Suicide

Why do I find this funny?

Here's the rundown: A man in China decides he wants to kill himself. So he climbs a bridge and threatens to jump. After sitting and debating for hours, a passerby climbs up and shoves him off into a waiting airbag below. The story can be found here.

It isn't so much that a man wants to commit suicide, as much as it is how angry the passerby became. The notion that a man wanted to end his life publicly is no laughing matter. Suicide is a real problem among people during these "uncertain" times. What is funny, and what I find absolutely hysterical, is that another citizen got sooooo irritated at the suicider's selfish intent to kill himself. How peeved do you have to be that you would be willing to climb a bridge and literally push a man from a bridge, simply because you wanted him to suck it up.

Wow. That's all I have to say. Just Wow. Oh, the pusher is in jail by the way. Video after the jump.

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Classic Movie Monday: Force 10 from Navarone

Welcome to Classic Movie Monday. Every Monday, I watch a film at least 25 years old that I have never seen before. I will then write my comments on the film, telling you what I thought of it. This is an attempt to beef up my classic film knowledge as well as highlight some forgotten gems of Hollywood's heyday. So without further ado...

Force 10 from Navarone
Released: December 8, 1978
Directed by: Guy Hamilton
Starring: Robert Shaw & Harrison Ford

Plot in a Nutshell:
In this, a follow-up to The Guns of Navarone, an elite squad of men set out on a mission to destroy a vital bridge in WWII Europe. Complications arise when the team is captured, and the mission must be altered if it is to succeed.

What I thought:
It's a shame. I love The Guns of Navarone. It's one of my favorite WWII movies, if you could even call it a war movie. It's not so much about a war, as it is about a eclectic group of characters brought together to bring down a Nazi stronghold. This sequel to that excellent film, plods along, playing by the numbers, but it just doesn't do it quite as well.

This story is virtually the same as in Guns. An elite group of men join together in a secret squad to destroy an enemy ________. It even has two of the same characters, Mallory and Miller. Played previously by Gregory Peck and David Niven, here they are replaced with Robert Shaw and Edward Fox. Neither do remotely as good a job as their previous incarnations. And neither does this story hold near as much interest as the last. Since it is virtually the same plot but with a different skin, it needs to bring something new to the table, unfortunately it doesn't.

So it's obvious this film is not as good as the previous one, however, on it's own, Force 10 makes for a fine little action picture. Directed by a seasoned 007 helmer, Guy Hamilton makes some great use of stuff blowing up. The finale is very large, and at one point quite funny. Ford and Shaw's characters are setting off a bomb in a damn, expecting it to go off in 20 seconds, they say their goodbyes. Little do they know, the bomb is nowhere big enough to kill them, instead it causes a tiny crack which brings down the whole damn. But as much action and mayhem are caused, it becomes clear early on, that not much is behind it. The characters are uninteresting, the plot feels tired, over-worked, and the performances are not remotely exciting.

I find it a real shame, because not only is the exceptional talent wasted, but it feels like a carbon copy of a much better film. Instead of a Gun placement to destroy, here we get a strategic bridge. The characters get captured almost exactly the same way, and they are just as easily freed 10 minutes later, with no danger whatsoever. The primary difference between the two films is that while Guns is refreshing and fun, Force 10 feels stretched, overweight, and altogether unnecessary. That being said, on it's own, it could make a decent flick, but it has a hell of an act to follow. But take my advice, skip this, and see The Guns of Navarone instead. Then, and only then, come back for this tired imitation (if you even want to).

Bottom Line:
A sequel that seems too similar to it's predecessor. Even though there is some good action here, this is an unneeded attempt at following up an already brilliant film.

C

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Downfall (Der Untergang) Review

Nobody likes Hitler. We all want to see him dead. This movie depicts the last days of Hitler, hunkered down inside his Berlin bunker. And I have to say it was one of the most gut wrenching cinema experiences I've had in quite some time.

Let me be straight, I felt no pity for Hitler, no pity for that monstrosity of a man. Rather I feel extraordinary sympathy with the people caught in his terrible wake. The General who doesn't want his family captured, so he blows them up at dinner with two grenades. The young secretary who was there for every important moment, yet doesn't realize the implications. The lovers who only have a few more hours, and when the end is near, they commit suicide.

This powerful film shows you what happened to the closest friends and Military leaders caught with Hitler in his Führerbunker. Told primarily from the perspective of Hitler's personal Secretary, the film vividly portrays the final excruciating hours of the Third Reich. Hitler is at the forefront of the story, going from calm, collected, military tactician, to a screaming and maniacal lunatic in the next.

It's a very difficult film to watch. There are countless scenes towards the final act that just had me torn up. Children put to sleep with medicine only to have their mother systematically go around and pop cyanide capsules in their mouths. When one daughter doesn't want to take the medicine, the Mother must force her to. The anguish experienced watching this becomes amplified when you realize these people are completely misled into the Nazi agenda.

This is a difficult thing to come to grips with; it is one thing to be sympathetic to a Holocaust Jew, it is another to feel the same sympathy for the supposed bad guys. But you realize that they aren't evil. Misguided and lost, but not evil. Hitler's the evil one, and they give him more than a few moments to make you realize it. The others are doing what they think is the right thing. Everybody was so enraptured by Hitler's promise, they found themselves following his every word. To see them caught in an inescapable situation, and then forced to suicide, the sadness is compounded by their ignorance.

I cannot recommend this film enough. I love historical pieces, and even more so when they are told from an unconventional perspective. This film encapsulates this horrific moment in history so effectively, I feel it should be shown in every 20th century history lesson. Not only does it encompass the final days of Hitler so well, and serve as an excellent example of history, but it makes you conscious of the horror of undue fanaticism, and its deadly consequences on both the innocent and guilty.

A

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