Nuff said

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Talk about ugly Mutts

If you've read some of my posts, you know I like pictures of cute kittens. Nothing is more sweet and innocent than a little curious ball of fur. Mmm, warm fuzzy thoughts. Today I offer to you a little collection of the exact opposite to cute kittens: Ugly Dogs. I'm not talking merely unsightly or unkempt dogs, no I'm talking disproportionate, oddly shaped, tounge hanging, disgustingly ugly canines.

In case you're wondering where this came from, recently a World's Ugliest Dog contest was held at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, California. This was the big winner of said contest...

But believe me, he ain't the ugliest. Oh no, not by a long shot. More hideousness after the break.

Awwwww, he looks so proud of that ribbon.

I like this guy. He kind of conjures an image of a canine version of Nicodemus from Secret of Nimh. What do you think?

Now this next one looks like a zombie dog from Resident Evil.

If I saw that running after me on the street, I'd soil myself.

And then finally, this guy just let himself go.

If you want to know more about this contest go here, here, or here.

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Pushed to Suicide

Why do I find this funny?

Here's the rundown: A man in China decides he wants to kill himself. So he climbs a bridge and threatens to jump. After sitting and debating for hours, a passerby climbs up and shoves him off into a waiting airbag below. The story can be found here.

It isn't so much that a man wants to commit suicide, as much as it is how angry the passerby became. The notion that a man wanted to end his life publicly is no laughing matter. Suicide is a real problem among people during these "uncertain" times. What is funny, and what I find absolutely hysterical, is that another citizen got sooooo irritated at the suicider's selfish intent to kill himself. How peeved do you have to be that you would be willing to climb a bridge and literally push a man from a bridge, simply because you wanted him to suck it up.

Wow. That's all I have to say. Just Wow. Oh, the pusher is in jail by the way. Video after the jump.

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Zombie Walks

Here's how it goes... You're standing in downtown Hollywood, it's the family's first time seeing the Mann's Chinese Theater. You position your wife and kids for a family picture. Taking a step back, you line up your shot. Then you hear it, a low gruntled voice uttering "BBBRRRRAAAAIIINNNSSSS!" You don't know what to do, you race to your family, but it is too late, the horde has reached you. They shuffle past you, mumbling and drooling. But they don't feed, instead they continue on. You rush to your family, the kids are freaking out, crying into their mom's arms. And you ask, almost to yourself, "What the hell was that?"

A local Zombie Walk. Hilarious.

Why am I just now finding out about this? Have you heard about this? Basically it is a large group of people that will dress up as zombies, and walk the streets of a predetermined location. Staying in character the whole time, and usually covered with grotesque makeup, they will block streets, crowd sidewalks, and generally provide quite an entertainment to the unsuspecting.

Here's a video to watch if you want to see an example...


I love the part where they pass by the choir singing "Jesus loves me." Hahaha.

Why does this look like so much fun?

I think if I ever participated in such an event, I would have to start out as a normal tourist. And when the horde approaches me, I would signal them to attack, then we would play out a scene on the street, where they would surround me and start going into a "frenzy." Having already pre-cut my clothes, and kept a couple of tubes of fake blood in my pocket, would quickly get "zombiefied," then rise up and join the horde down the street.

Could you imagine being that person who sees that? Hahahahahaha!!

I have got to find out when the next one of these is. This sounds like too much fun.

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The epic battle of Nerdage

A battle has been ongoing for some 30 years. I am referring to the galactic showdown known as Star Trek vs. Star Wars. You are either a fan of one or a maniac for the other. It is impossible to be both a beloved Trekkie and a devoted Star Wars fan. The amount of geekdom nerdness contained within that one devoted person would be enough to destroy the world 15 times over with Mt. Dew and Funions.

So on this day with the premiere of the new Star Trek film, the battle lines will be drawn once again. The debates will begin again. Star Wars fanatics will stick up their noses at the latest incarnation of Kirk and Spock.

So amidst this magic time of fandom glory, I thought it'd be fun to post this pic I found on the web.

So where do you fall? Do you live long and prosper, or is the Force with you?

I am on the side of Star Wars. While I have enjoyed a Trek episode or two. And the one movie I watched, I am pretty much a Trekkie virgin. With Star Wars, While I am not quite a be all know all, I know the universe, the planets, the characters, and why George Lucas has ruined it in the past few years.

I sit on the edge. I have been tormented and torn by the Prequels, I long for a return to the high space adventure the first three achieved so well. While I love my Star Wars, this new film looks incredible, and it may just make me switch loyalties.

Nah, who am I kidding? Boba Fett would kick any Vulcan's ass six ways from Sunday, anywhere, anytime. BOOM! But then again, I have no doubt Captain Kirk would make Jar Jar squeal like a pig.

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Frog Salad Anyone?

That's why I don't trust salads I can't read.

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Creepy Baby-wearing Outfit

Well if you didn't think yesterday's post was funny, I'm sorry. It is true that I am going to be a father... someday. But not today or tomorrow, and probably not within the next few years. And if I never have a kid, I'll at least have a dog or something, and I'll be a dog daddy or something. Point is, someday, yes. Today, no.

Now for something genuinely funny, and not April fool's ha-ha-gotcha-funny, or even spider art funny. If you don't laugh at this, or at the very least a mild chuckle, then I feel real pity for you...

I'm sorry, but that has got to be the silliest baby wearing cloth contraption I have ever seen. Yeah it may keep the little tyke warm, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST!?!?

Now if that's not funny enough, a website has posted a bunch of photoshopped variations on the above baby carrier. Continued after the break...

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Art for late payment? Riiiiiight.

I found this a while ago and thought it was very funny. So here take a read...

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles



From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead.
I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.





From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles



From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.



From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles



From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.



From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached





From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,
Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.



From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th.
David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.





From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding.
We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.



From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

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YEAH!!! 50th post!! Now for something completely different...

In this celebration of my 50th post here at the 'ole Observer I am going to do something very different, and perhaps a little strange. I am not going to rant, or rave, or even offer a "skewed perspective." Nay. Today, I will praise and celebrate Aquafina water, and their simple, wide-mouth 1-liter bottles.

Let me first point out that I think the idea of bottled water is good only from a convenience standpoint. I am not a foofoo person who thinks that drinking water, bottled in Fiji, is good or tastes any different than any other. I am also not a very particular person who must have lime, lemon, cherry, or all of the above flavors injected into my frosty H2O. I simply see bottled water as what it is; a nice, cold, healthier option to the many other options at your local 7-11s. I have no problem drinking the water from my tap at home, but when I am out and about and want water, I have no problem forking over $1.50 for a liter of aqua-awesomeness.

You may ask, what is it about Aquafina specifically that I find so "amazing?" Simply put, it is their wide-mouthed 1-liter bottle. When I am thirsty and craving water, I don't want to be slurping at a bottle top the size of my pinkie, nor do I need a so-called "sport bottle" cap that is SO small, I have to crush the bottle to get any flow. I want a large, man-sized opening, something I can chug easily and effortlessly. The little openings, I end up squeezing hard to get the same quantity, only I must stop part way to let the air back in. With Aquafina's wide mouth I can just chug and chug with no problems or interruptions, save for a breath of air.

Secondly, Aquafina is everywhere. If you can find a Pepsi, Mt. Dew, or daresay a Slice, Aquafina is a few slots over. I never have to worry about being in a different state with a different spring water company. It is found nationwide, and in some cases internationally, and it is just as good in California as it is in New York.

Also I have found that some waters actually dry my mouth and make me thirstier. Dasani is the worst that I know of. Every single bottle of Aquafina is exactly the same everywhere I go. No dryness, a big mouth, ice cold, and generally the cheapest option. I have no reason to buy anything else, especially since we all know that they all come from the tap, (even Fiji, I am afraid).

I don't care if it comes from the tap, a spring, melted from a mountain glacier, from the islands of Fiji, or where ever. It could have cascaded down the succulent bare butt of the Greek God Aphrodite herself, it ain't worth more than $1.50. You can dress it up in a cool bottle all you want, it is still water. Water is water and water is water. No matter how you slice it, it is the same in every bottle. I just prefer Aquafina because it is cheap, found everywhere, and has that very nice wide opening.

Now if you'll excuse me I have a cold liter of Aquafina to drink.

Pepsi, you can make that check out to Matthew Todhunter.

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Who ya gonna call... Jesus-busters?

Saw this today and thought it was too funny, and I just had to share...

(Click pic to enlarge)

Jesus doesn't look to happy. I guess the thought of sitting in that containment facility gives him the hibby jibbies. There's also this masterwork (after the break):

He'll probably just smite them. After all, he's not your garden variety ghost; he's THE Holy Ghost. Booyah! I got jokes.

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Snake chases tail, and chows down.

I don't care if this photo is real or not, it is funny.

He's in for a world of hurt when he gets to his head.

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Mustache Animation

This is the funniest and weirdest thing I have seen in the entire year (so far) of 2009.



By the way, Happy New Year!

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