Absurdity of Smoking Laws

In case you didn't know, there has been a movement developing in Hollywood for the past several years. About two years ago, Studios feeling pressure from anti smoking groups, decided to start limiting the amount of characters who smoke in movies. Well there is a group that is calling on the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) to begin instituting a mandatory R rating to any movie that contains smoking.

Is this really a problem?!?!

So basically, the act of smoking is tantamount to saying "F**K!" or seeing bodies blown apart by incoming mortar fire. A character smoking would equal two people having a sex scene. The problem I find in this thinking is that once you make smoking equivalent of these things, what's going to happen to public codes about smoking. Now you can't just go outside the restaurant or theater, but now you have to go in a little dark booth that says: "Adults only." It would be akin to going to a porn store.

Does this not sound ridiculous. Well, leave it to the zany Californians to lead the fight for a smoke free nation. They passed a law several years ago that all public buildings would be smoke free. This means Restaurants, Stores, and other things such as BARS!!! I remember one time on liberty in Sand Diego, me and a few friends from work went to downtown Coronado to a local bar. This was after I had just turned 21, so I was new to the bar scene. Earlier in the evening I had bought a delicious cigar to smoke (smoke em once every 2 years). When I got to the bar I was turned around because I had a cigar. I was flabbergasted. I thought it was and I still think it is the dumbest law.

I hate second hand smoke, but I think people should have the right to put up the laws in their own establishments. If I own a bar, and I want to allow smoking I should be able to. It is absolute bull that this is a law. And If they even so much as start imposing a mandatory R rating on movies with smoking, I will get really peeved.

I get that G rated films shouldn't have smoking. That's fine. I don't think you'll find many Pixar movies with smoking at all (if any). I can understand PG films maybe having a smoking character, but he should be reflected as a villain or some such. The only place that I would find it to be absurd is in a PG-13 film. So what would happen if Optimus Prime gets a little fire on him during a battle, and afterwards he starts smoking?

I guess our President is R-rated too.

Smoking = R-rated = Load of B.S.

Let's try and put the focus on some real issues... like blowing up Kim Jong-il.

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Pushed to Suicide

Why do I find this funny?

Here's the rundown: A man in China decides he wants to kill himself. So he climbs a bridge and threatens to jump. After sitting and debating for hours, a passerby climbs up and shoves him off into a waiting airbag below. The story can be found here.

It isn't so much that a man wants to commit suicide, as much as it is how angry the passerby became. The notion that a man wanted to end his life publicly is no laughing matter. Suicide is a real problem among people during these "uncertain" times. What is funny, and what I find absolutely hysterical, is that another citizen got sooooo irritated at the suicider's selfish intent to kill himself. How peeved do you have to be that you would be willing to climb a bridge and literally push a man from a bridge, simply because you wanted him to suck it up.

Wow. That's all I have to say. Just Wow. Oh, the pusher is in jail by the way. Video after the jump.

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*sigh* People, it's a monkey.

The "missing link," really? So says this article.

But I'm not so sure about that. Here's a photo I found online of a modern day primate...

And here is another...

So whose to say that the thing in the top photo isn't an equivalent of a monkey midget? Sorry, but I'm not buying this "missing link" hubhub. But I bet you next month it'll be on the cover of the National Geographic (at least it will be a good photo). *sigh*

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Zombie Walks

Here's how it goes... You're standing in downtown Hollywood, it's the family's first time seeing the Mann's Chinese Theater. You position your wife and kids for a family picture. Taking a step back, you line up your shot. Then you hear it, a low gruntled voice uttering "BBBRRRRAAAAIIINNNSSSS!" You don't know what to do, you race to your family, but it is too late, the horde has reached you. They shuffle past you, mumbling and drooling. But they don't feed, instead they continue on. You rush to your family, the kids are freaking out, crying into their mom's arms. And you ask, almost to yourself, "What the hell was that?"

A local Zombie Walk. Hilarious.

Why am I just now finding out about this? Have you heard about this? Basically it is a large group of people that will dress up as zombies, and walk the streets of a predetermined location. Staying in character the whole time, and usually covered with grotesque makeup, they will block streets, crowd sidewalks, and generally provide quite an entertainment to the unsuspecting.

Here's a video to watch if you want to see an example...


I love the part where they pass by the choir singing "Jesus loves me." Hahaha.

Why does this look like so much fun?

I think if I ever participated in such an event, I would have to start out as a normal tourist. And when the horde approaches me, I would signal them to attack, then we would play out a scene on the street, where they would surround me and start going into a "frenzy." Having already pre-cut my clothes, and kept a couple of tubes of fake blood in my pocket, would quickly get "zombiefied," then rise up and join the horde down the street.

Could you imagine being that person who sees that? Hahahahahaha!!

I have got to find out when the next one of these is. This sounds like too much fun.

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Frog Salad Anyone?

That's why I don't trust salads I can't read.

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"Pull forward please." What? Why?

Here's the deal, go to a fast food drive through. Order some grub. Pull up to the window. Pay your money, get your drink. Attendant asks you to pull forward, "We'll bring your stuff out."

This happens because they don't want to hold up the people behind you, and they don't want their counters to say somebody was at the window for 5 minutes while your french fries are cooking. I am sometimes happy about this, cause I get some nice hot fries. But lately it has come to my attention that this whole pull forward business is a bit ridiculous.

First off the drive thru is designed and built to be all about speed. If your fries aren't ready then that's a problem with the kitchen. They need to have some fries ready to go. Everything needs to be ready to go, so that all you do is throw it into a bag and wallah. This is the reason they have a counter inside, so that they are accountable for how many cars can get through the line during lunch.

Secondly if there is something slow in the kitchen, odds are the person behind me is going to have to wait too. So what are we solving here by moving somebody forward? So they can get another order in the system so that it can clog up even more?! That sounds ridiculous.

And lastly you're slowing things down even further when your attendants have to run ten orders out to the cars piled up in the lot. They are taking time to do run around, as opposed to simply waiting and handing things out that nice, little, bullet-proof window. Again, drive thru is designed to use that little window.

The point of the counter is to demonstrate to management how efficient their drive thru's are. By making you pull forward they are cheating their timers. They are cheating their jobs, making it look like they had a run of people go though 30 secs a piece when in actuality you had five very irritated people waiting in the parking lot for their food. That is not representing the effieciency of the drive thru at all. It is cheating. Pure out and out cheating, and the customer never knows it is happening.

This whole thing started a few weeks ago in San Diego. We went to Wendy's, three orders of spicy chicken sandwiches. We paid, got our drinks and were asked to pull forward. Pulled thru the drive, and because of the design of the drive thru, no car that was behind me could get out unless I pulled out of the drive thru. So I pulled out and was going to park, only this Wendy's sat in the middle of a huge shopping center. There wasn't a single parking spot, and about 15 cars trying to find one. So I pulled around and parked behind the handicapped spot, cause I figured they would be quick.

The guy who was behind me in the line of cars, came out of the thru shortly after I did, and he had been asked the same thing. So he circled around and parked behind me. At this point I am beginning to think this whole idea of pulling forward is a bit flawed. And the three of us were getting very irate. Then the handicapped people came out of the Wendy's and wanted to leave, so I had to move back, causing the guy behind me to move back as well, causing a traffic jam in the parking lot.

Finally, after what seemed like ten minutes, and after the handicapped party had left, our food came out. But I had to signal the attendant as to where I was parked (God forbid they should keep track of me and my order, again, what a drive thru is designed for). She came over and I told her what we ordered and she handed us the sack of Wendy's goodness.

The funny thing is, not a single car came out of the drive thru after the guy behind me did. So what on Earth is the point of this whole thing? Nobody got out of there any earlier than I did, because everybody was waiting for the same thing. So this whole idea of pulling forward to keep the line moving is a bit retarded in my opinion.

And then to top off this whole story, we were again getting food at a Wendy's this past weekend. And you know what, they asked me to pull forward. Here's the hysterical part, there was nobody behind me. And as I pulled forward and waited for them to bring out my food, nobody EVER came in line behind me. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS?!?!?! ARRRGHHH!!!

Maybe it's just Wendy's. Jack in the box does this also, but at least they have parking spots reserved for drive thru. I think next time somebody asks me to pull forward, I will just say "No thanks, I can wait here." I will let their counters get screwed up, because it will accurately show that they are lacking at service.

And if you want it to get any scarier, apparently this an arrestable offense in Florida. An elderly lady refused to pull forward and the cops arrested her. Read it here.

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Scariest Hike Ever

This is by far one of the scariest, I-can't-belive-this-guy-is-doing-this video I have ever seen.


Continue on for more info.

The trail is found in Spain. And it was part of a dam access trail. Rather than reading me ramble on about it, go here and read about it. It really is quite interesting.

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Creepy Baby-wearing Outfit

Well if you didn't think yesterday's post was funny, I'm sorry. It is true that I am going to be a father... someday. But not today or tomorrow, and probably not within the next few years. And if I never have a kid, I'll at least have a dog or something, and I'll be a dog daddy or something. Point is, someday, yes. Today, no.

Now for something genuinely funny, and not April fool's ha-ha-gotcha-funny, or even spider art funny. If you don't laugh at this, or at the very least a mild chuckle, then I feel real pity for you...

I'm sorry, but that has got to be the silliest baby wearing cloth contraption I have ever seen. Yeah it may keep the little tyke warm, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST!?!?

Now if that's not funny enough, a website has posted a bunch of photoshopped variations on the above baby carrier. Continued after the break...

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YEAH!!! 50th post!! Now for something completely different...

In this celebration of my 50th post here at the 'ole Observer I am going to do something very different, and perhaps a little strange. I am not going to rant, or rave, or even offer a "skewed perspective." Nay. Today, I will praise and celebrate Aquafina water, and their simple, wide-mouth 1-liter bottles.

Let me first point out that I think the idea of bottled water is good only from a convenience standpoint. I am not a foofoo person who thinks that drinking water, bottled in Fiji, is good or tastes any different than any other. I am also not a very particular person who must have lime, lemon, cherry, or all of the above flavors injected into my frosty H2O. I simply see bottled water as what it is; a nice, cold, healthier option to the many other options at your local 7-11s. I have no problem drinking the water from my tap at home, but when I am out and about and want water, I have no problem forking over $1.50 for a liter of aqua-awesomeness.

You may ask, what is it about Aquafina specifically that I find so "amazing?" Simply put, it is their wide-mouthed 1-liter bottle. When I am thirsty and craving water, I don't want to be slurping at a bottle top the size of my pinkie, nor do I need a so-called "sport bottle" cap that is SO small, I have to crush the bottle to get any flow. I want a large, man-sized opening, something I can chug easily and effortlessly. The little openings, I end up squeezing hard to get the same quantity, only I must stop part way to let the air back in. With Aquafina's wide mouth I can just chug and chug with no problems or interruptions, save for a breath of air.

Secondly, Aquafina is everywhere. If you can find a Pepsi, Mt. Dew, or daresay a Slice, Aquafina is a few slots over. I never have to worry about being in a different state with a different spring water company. It is found nationwide, and in some cases internationally, and it is just as good in California as it is in New York.

Also I have found that some waters actually dry my mouth and make me thirstier. Dasani is the worst that I know of. Every single bottle of Aquafina is exactly the same everywhere I go. No dryness, a big mouth, ice cold, and generally the cheapest option. I have no reason to buy anything else, especially since we all know that they all come from the tap, (even Fiji, I am afraid).

I don't care if it comes from the tap, a spring, melted from a mountain glacier, from the islands of Fiji, or where ever. It could have cascaded down the succulent bare butt of the Greek God Aphrodite herself, it ain't worth more than $1.50. You can dress it up in a cool bottle all you want, it is still water. Water is water and water is water. No matter how you slice it, it is the same in every bottle. I just prefer Aquafina because it is cheap, found everywhere, and has that very nice wide opening.

Now if you'll excuse me I have a cold liter of Aquafina to drink.

Pepsi, you can make that check out to Matthew Todhunter.

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Who ya gonna call... Jesus-busters?

Saw this today and thought it was too funny, and I just had to share...

(Click pic to enlarge)

Jesus doesn't look to happy. I guess the thought of sitting in that containment facility gives him the hibby jibbies. There's also this masterwork (after the break):

He'll probably just smite them. After all, he's not your garden variety ghost; he's THE Holy Ghost. Booyah! I got jokes.

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Here's one to... er... sip on.

WARNING! This post contains imagery that is a little disgusting. You have been warned.

So in my daily surfings around the net, I come across some interesting reads. And then this morning I stumbled upon the following story. And I found it so vile, so filthy, and so wrong, I just had to share it with you. Now you can be grossed out for the day...

India to launch cow urine as soft drink.

OK, how gross is that? Could you imagine this? Sit down to watch the game, got the nachos, the dip, and a nice cold (or warm) glass of bull piss. You have to almost marvel at the man's business plan: Take something that everybody deems disgusting, which is inexpensive and easy to 'harvest,' then spin it and sell it to poor saps for a few bucks. It's so dastardly brilliant it sounds like the plot for a new James Bond film.

Now in all seriousness, He isn't simply bottling Cow pee and selling it. No, he is adding various herbs to make it a little healthy I suppose. But this isn't the first time the notion of drinking cow urine has cropped up. Apparently Hindus, who revere everything cow, have been known to drink the stuff as a way of cleansing their bodies of ailments. Others just simply bath in the disgustingness...

Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! YUCK!!!!

Now I'm sorry, but worshipping beef is one thing. To let them live among you, walk the streets, and poop on your doorstep, is ok i guess. Whatever floats your boat, right. But to ingest a cow's bodily waste and secretions is absolutely filthy. What is next for the Hindus, lotion made from cow excrement?!

One could make a small argument that the supplement found in some energy drinks known as taurine is the same thing. But unfortunately for the argument, taurine is a bit different then straight up cow pee. It is true that taurine can be found in cow urine and bull testicles but it isn't harvested from either. So take that naysayers. Actually, to please vegetarians and us folks who don't like the idea of drinking cow bile, taurine is generally synthesized today for human consumption.

So how's that for a random discussion? Drinking cow pee, BLEUCH!

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Mindmeld Alert: Entering the 10th dimension

Want to make your head explode? Watch this video explaining the 10th dimension. Very informative and somewhat confusing, it is a very interesting video, (just watch out you don't splatter your brain on your monitor).



Confusing, isn't it?

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Mustache Animation

This is the funniest and weirdest thing I have seen in the entire year (so far) of 2009.



By the way, Happy New Year!

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