Lingering in Misery

Everybody's seen this guy already. He opened fire in a fitness center, killed 4 people, including himself. If you're not in the know, go here, here, or here.

Very sad. But, he kept a small online diary. This has been all over the news, so I'm not going into details. Instead I wanted to get some thoughts out about why this guy did this.

I just finished reading the entire diary. Yeah, I was a little curious. I think this is an excellent opportunity to try and understand the motivations behind wanting to hurt and kill people. My initial impression after pouring through the few entries, is one of sadness, and almost sympathy. I know the guy has done something very hateful and completely uncaring, but his words suggest a very tortured soul. A soul who has just never had things line up for him.

He goes on to describe what the media had labeled "a hatred for women." I don't think that's very accurate. He clearly states at several points that he has longed for a companion, that he has not wanted to be alone. But throughout his life he has not been successful. He states that he had dated and been with women, but for whatever reason or another it never worked out.

Unfortunately it is incredibly difficult to get an exact view on this guy's situation. We don't know why people never seemed to get along with him. He does state at several points that people think of him as a "nice guy." But you also get the impression that his burden of childhood is clearly shown on his face. Someone made the comment if he had liked high school, they, thinking he had been bullied around. So obviously people have been able to see his torment, but why nobody ever stepped across that line to help him is a mystery. Who's to say he didn't ward them off somehow?

The thing I am trying to get at is this man lived and wallowed in his own misery. He seemed to embrace it as the way things HAD to be. He felt that he HAD to go into that gym and fire shots into a crowd, and take his own life. People can take a very valuable (and costly) lesson from this. I know I will be taking a lesson from this.

The reason why I said before that I almost felt sympathy with the man, is that I can understand his position. I can understand his frustration with social interactions. I can understand his broken childhood. I can understand the idea of being a "nice guy" that gets nothing and goes nowhere. For those reasons I feel bad for the guy. But the thing I can't understand is obviously why he felt he had to go and kill. And that's going to be the thing people will debate endlessly.

I get his turmoil. I don't get the need to murder. But the lesson to take is to keep an eye out for your fellow man. Be mindful of people, and not in a paranoid tattle-tell way. People could use the most help before they act. Because like in this case, there might not be another chance.

And the other thing to take away is about the dangers of stewing in your own misery. I've been guilty of being happy in misery. It sounds weird and contradictory, but it is a genuine feeling. Life is filled with highs and lows. Both are vital parts of a human life. They are what makes us unique and world wise. But it is important to not dwell in the lows, lingering in misery. Get help. Seek interaction. Even if you don't feel the need, meet people, have friends. Don't dwell?

Here's the link to his site.

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